At first glance, the title may raise eyebrows: Stop Helping People. Isn’t that what we’re supposed to do—as leaders, coaches, colleagues, or even friends? Isn’t helping others the hallmark of empathy, of service, of good leadership?
That’s precisely the point. This mindset—deeply embedded in our culture—needs to be challenged, if not entirely reframed. The core argument isn’t to abandon compassion or collaboration. Rather, it’s to elevate it by shifting from a “helper” mentality to a partnership mentality—one where both people are mutually engaged, equally responsible, and collectively committed to progress.
This is the invitation: Stop helping people. Start working with them.
The Problem with Helping
Helping, at its core, creates an unequal dynamic. One person has the knowledge, the power, the solution. The other is lacking—powerless, uninformed, or incapable. While the intention might be noble, the result can be disempowering.
In this dynamic:
- The helper owns the process.
- The helper dictates the solution.
- The recipient often becomes passive, waiting for answers instead of actively pursuing them.
What seems like a generous act can actually strip others of responsibility, agency, and growth.
Consider a workplace scenario. A manager notices that a team member is struggling to hit their sales numbers. Wanting to “help,” the manager steps in, takes over the account, or solves the problem themselves. The numbers may improve temporarily—but at what cost? The salesperson hasn’t grown. They haven’t learned. The gap in skill and confidence remains unaddressed.
Helping becomes a shortcut—a way to fix problems without investing in people. It might feel efficient, even heroic, but in the long run, it stunts development and feeds a culture of dependency.
The Power of Working With
Now imagine a different approach. Instead of stepping in, the manager sits down with the salesperson and says:
“Let’s look at this together. What do you think is getting in the way? What have you tried? What could we do differently?”
This is working with. It’s collaborative. It invites shared ownership. It communicates trust.
In a “working with” dynamic:
- Both parties contribute knowledge.
- There is a mutual commitment to a shared goal.
- The individual is empowered to think, act, and grow.
It’s not about having all the answers. It’s about asking better questions. It’s not about controlling the outcome. It’s about creating conditions for growth.
This shift—from helping to collaborating—changes everything.
The Four Stages of Change
To make this mindset real, we need to understand how change happens. Transformation is a process, not a single decision. It involves both internal realization and external action. Let’s explore the four stages:
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Awareness
Every change begins with frustration—a quiet voice whispering, There has to be a better way. Awareness isn’t always comfortable. It’s a disruption of routine. It’s the unsettling realization that what once worked… doesn’t anymore.
This step is often underestimated. But without awareness, there is no motivation to change. Whether it’s a salesperson stuck in a performance plateau or a leader recognizing a toxic culture, this moment of discomfort is essential. It signals readiness.
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Information
Once we’re aware, we begin searching. A book, a webinar, a podcast, a mentor—anything that gives us insight. We collect frameworks, tools, and strategies. We start to see possibilities we hadn’t considered before.
But information alone is not enough. Most people are already drowning in content. What they lack is the bridge between knowing and doing.
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Application
This is the crucible. Application is where theory meets reality.
The challenge isn’t just applying new knowledge—it’s applying it to familiar situations. That’s where habits live. That’s where resistance shows up. That’s where change is hardest.
Three internal questions shape this stage:
- Do I recognize the moment? — Can I identify the opportunity to use what I’ve learned?
- Do I believe it will work? — Do I trust this new approach enough to try it?
- Do I believe I deserve better? — Am I truly open to receiving the benefits of this change?
Miss any of these, and the application fails. We revert to old habits. We retreat to comfort. We avoid risk.
But when we say yes—when we see the moment, believe in the method, and know we’re worth it—we step into transformation.
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Internalization
Change isn’t real until it’s repeated. Until the new behavior becomes the default response. Until the belief becomes embedded.
This is where identity shifts. The struggling salesperson becomes a confident closer. The reactive leader becomes a proactive coach. The team member becomes a team builder.
This is the ultimate goal—not just performance improvement, but personal evolution.
Why This Matters in Leadership
Leadership isn’t about having all the answers. It’s about creating environments where people grow into their best selves. When leaders help too much, they rob people of ownership. When they work with others, they transfer power—not just responsibility.
Here’s the uncomfortable truth:
You create culture by what you tolerate.
If you tolerate mediocrity, silos, or avoidance, that’s your culture. If you build relationships, challenge complacency, and foster collaboration, that becomes your culture.
And culture drives results—especially in sales.
Sales teams thrive when they feel seen, heard, and trusted. When they are part of decisions. When they have ownership of their goals. The relationship between leadership and sales is not a luxury—it’s the foundation of performance.
The Real Cost of Shortcuts
It’s tempting to rush change. To fix problems. To push harder. But shortcuts often lead to long-term setbacks.
When you help someone too quickly, you risk:
- Undermining their confidence.
- Creating dependency.
- Reinforcing passivity.
- Burning yourself out.
Working with others takes more time upfront, but the payoff is far greater:
- People grow.
- Trust deepens.
- Capacity expands.
- Culture strengthens.
This is the long game—and it’s the only game that creates sustainable success.
A Call to Action
So the next time you’re tempted to step in and help, pause. Ask yourself:
- Am I doing this for them, or with them?
- Am I empowering, or enabling?
- Am I building skill and confidence, or just solving today’s problem?
True leadership is not about having the answers. It’s about drawing out the answers in others.
So stop helping people. Start working with them. It’s not just a better strategy—it’s a better way to lead, to sell, to grow, and to live.
